Is God Good? A Mom's Journey of Faith and Resilience
Hello May 8th, 2025
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JACKSONVILLE, Fla., May 2025—The Lord, who always goes before us, orchestrates our lives with a precision that often leaves us in awe. He weaves what appears to be random events into a grand design, connecting us to others to fulfill His perfect plan. At some point, each of us will grapple with and question God's goodness. When pain and suffering enter our lives, can we still believe in His goodness?
The day we had dreaded most finally arrived. At six months old, Ryan was diagnosed as “failure to thrive.” His cardiologist determined that he needed open-heart surgery sooner rather than later. Ryan was so frail and weighed only 11 pounds.
At Ryan's pre-op appointment, Ron and I listened in horror as the cardiac surgeon explained the details of his open-heart surgery. The surgeon went over how they would crack open Ryan’s little chest, stop his heart, place him on a heart bypass machine, and operate on his tiny heart, which was smaller than your two thumbs put together knuckle to tip.
As we began the daunting process of preparing both physically and emotionally for surgery day, God used a special couple and their sweet baby boy, also named Ryan, to minister to us in a profound way. Heidi and Dean were part of our church’s young adult Sunday school class. Three months before our son was born, we learned their son was born with a congenital heart defect.
One week before our Ryan was born, we received a call asking for prayer because Heidi and Dean’s son was being transported by helicopter to the hospital for emergency open heart surgery. Praise the Lord, he came out of the surgery without incident. Not only did our babies share a name, but both of our Ryan’s had the same heart condition, Tetralogy of Fallot. Who else but God could have orchestrated a connection like this? There are no coincidences.
A couple of nights before Ryan’s surgery, our Sunday school class gathered at our home for prayer. Heidi brought a photo album of pictures she had taken right after her son’s surgery. She asked to show them to me privately. Through tears, she explained that she wanted us to be prepared for what our Ryan would look like after surgery. I remember looking at those pictures and being shocked at all the tubes and monitors hooked up to his little body. I am so thankful that the Lord prompted Heidi to take those photos so she could minister to me in such a specific way. God truly is such a kind Father.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
On the day of the surgery, Ryan was very fussy and hungry. I was trying my hardest to calm him with just a pacifier while holding back tears of my own. It was time. The nurse came to escort us to the surgery holding area. When we arrived, Ryan snuggled into my neck and fell fast asleep. He was finally at peace and relaxed. A few moments later, the anesthesiologist took our sleeping, precious treasure into his arms. Ron and I kissed Ryan's sweet head and watched as he was taken down the hall and out of sight.
Ron and I walked into the hallway and completely lost it. We held each other, sobbing for what seemed like hours. We had just laid our greatest earthly treasure on the altar before the Lord. Would God intervene and heal Ryan? Our Ryan was in His hands. There was absolutely nothing we could do except pray.
The surgery lasted six excruciating hours. To our relief, Ryan made it through surgery without complications. We praise the Lord for that every day, but what if he had not? Would God have still been good? When the outcomes are not what we had hoped or prayed for, is God still good?
With each new diagnosis, surgery, and therapy, I grappled with this question: Is God good? In the middle of my valleys, I experienced despair, and yes, I wrestled with doubts about God’s character. But even in the midst of those trials, my faith was being transformed. I began to see more clearly and grew into a deeper understanding of God’s goodness.
During this season, the floor of our spare bedroom became my prayer altar. There, over and over, I questioned God’s goodness and poured out my feelings of doubt and unbelief. My problem was that I tried to define what I thought His goodness should be. From my finite understanding, I had a warped view of my situation and how God would show He’s a loving father in the midst of it. God was patiently teaching me this aspect of His character. God is not just good because of what He does, it’s who He is.
"God is good—not because He causes things that seem or feel ‘good’ to happen in our lives, but because in the midst of the storm, God comes closer to us than the storm could ever be.” -Charles Spurgeon
Many years after what felt like an unending season of diagnosis, I was beginning to grasp the sovereignty and goodness of God. Our journey with Ryan prepared us for a calling that we could not have thought of or imagined so that we could comfort and minister to others.
When Ryan was 18 months old, he was diagnosed as profoundly Deaf, and our family was learning Sign Language as a means to love and connect with Ryan. Of course, we could not have known the depth of ministry that would come from Ryan’s diagnosis, but God knew. God had begun calling us to minister to families with Deaf children. Every step we took led us into a deeper relationship with the Lord. We have experienced His comfort, peace, faithfulness, door opening and closing, miracle-working, all-encompassing grace, love, and goodness.
“Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.”
Psalm 62:1-2
If I could give advice to someone walking through a similar journey I would say, wait on and cling to the Lord. He is our rock, our stronghold. Stronghold means a high, safe place. Our God is our high, secure refuge and shelter. Some of you are going through a painful season. The kind of season where even breathing and blinking hurt. God wants to become your stronghold so that you can share your story to guide and encourage others.
Pray—Psalm 46:1-5 back to the Lord. Allow Him to become your stronghold in the middle of your pain, so that you can proclaim with sincere honesty, “No matter what may come, God is good!"
